Sahara desert dry

I cant remember the last time i had sex. In my defense, I’ve been pregnant the last 35 weeks and the tail end was a shit show. Also, I carried as big as the ocean so I imagine it could have been uncomfortable had I had the opportunity….and boy, did I imagine. I imagined it…

I want….

I am in this weird, crazy phase. I don’t know what to call it and I dont necessarily want to waste time dwelling on a name for it. Here I am: I just turned 36 yrs old and feel like I need to figure out more of who I am. Am I an introvert? Am…

Watermelons and booties

Hi friends!!! Its been quite awhile. Let’s go ahead and dive right in, shall we? PregnancyWith this baby being my 3rd little guy, I thought I was well prepared. Jokes on me, guys! My feet are 2-3 times their normal size and I’m contracting. Damn you, Braxton Hicks! I have 53 days left until my…

Valentines Day Lovin’

Valentine’s Day and I are not friends. Never have been, never will be. Perhaps it’s the pressure of the day or that I’ve dated some really shitty people, but it’s never really worked out well. I prefer to ignore it. Let’s see…one year, while I was still with the #NotSoLittles dad, he got me a…

There’s a bun in this oven

Yup. So, that’s pretty much where I’ve been: getting knocked up and eating my bodyweight in cream cheese and white pizza. Fuck you, delicious cravings!Hello. I’m the Impractical Wife and now, the Vastly Impractical Pregnant Lady (I use lady very, very loosely here). Why loosely? Well, let’s just say this pregnancy has me doing some…

Riding in cars with jerks

If you get to know me, really get to know me, you know I have a pattern. I have a tendency to want to save things: broken things, broken people, animals. I can’t save things. Try as I might, I can’t. Once upon a time, I met a man. At the time, I didn’t often…

If I wasn’t already married…

Do you ever wonder, if you weren’t who you are, if you hadn’t taken that job, if you hadn’t moved to that town, etc., who would you be? I do, sometimes. I recently started working a job where one of my coworkers makes coffee for just himself and me EVERY SINGLE DAY. I feel like…

Thighs, Fries, and Balls of Sunshine

Let’s talk positivity and self-improvement. I tend to be more of a realist and a “hope for the best but prepare for the worst” kinda girl. For awhile there, I felt more like someone who was running on autopilot. My tagline was “While I would love to shake things up, right now, what I’d really…

Lemons and tequila and nursing, oh my!

We’ve all heard that whole when life gives you lemons, make some lemonade. What if I don’t want the damn lemonade and what if tequila makes me black out?! Anyway, not the point. So, last time I left off, I was talking about making some big comeback. Let’s face it: I’m no rockstar. I do…

35 and the Walmart Showerhead

For a big chunk of my life, I was on the chunky side. One day, I woke up, got smacked by puberty and spent the rest of my years in a more comfortable place with my body. Then I got sad. See, when I’m hurting, my body must go into some kind of fluffy, cookie-inhaling…